Hidden Memories
by Fallen Meme
Summary: This one shot looks at Jack's return to his parents ranch at Lightning Flat after finishing the job on Brokeback Mountain in 1963, leaving Ennis, and his view of their thing.


He pulled his truck up in the yard of his folk's ranch at Lightning flat. His old dog mooched over and sniffed him, and he could feel a familiar wet nose nudging his hand. He heard the sound of the screen door slam. His mamma must have heard his truck and was standing on the porch.

"Jack. It's good to see you son. We weren't expecting you back till September."

"Aguirre let us go earlier. Meant to be a storm comin up from the Pacific. He told us to bring the sheep down."

They hugged. "Let me look at you. It's only been a summer, but you look so much older. What have you done to your face?" She said,looking at dark bruise covering his jaw.

"It ain't nothing. It's good to see you Mamma. I got your news about Uncle Harold."

"Your Uncle Harold, he's recovering. He needs to look after himself better. I have been visiting when I can get up to Gillette. Your Daddy will be pleased to see you. He's always saying he could do with more help. Your cousin Billy is getting married -that same girl that he met at the church picnic, and your cousin Sarah, she's expecting a baby."

She bustled around the kitchen fixing him cake and coffee, every now and then turning to look at him, enjoying the sight of him sitting at her table again. She picked the rucksack from off the floor by his feet. "I'll take care of this washing for you."

He reached out and took the bag from her. "I can unpack, and I'll bring the washing down later."

"Sorry son."

He realized he said it a little too sharply. "It's alright Mamma. I sure did miss your cookin. Don't want any more beans for a long time."

"So how about you? Any of them sheep get killed by lightning like last summer? Aguirre sure sounds unreasonable. You got paid alright?"

"Aguirre ain't changed. There was a storm and the sheep got mixed with another flock but no big losses, not like last time."

"You get on alright with the fella you was working with?" She said looking at the bruise on his jaw. "Three months is a long time to be stuck up a mountain with someone you don't see eye to eye with."

He hesitated before he spoke and she turned and looked at him and saw such a look of haunted sadness cross his face that she caught her breath. He was aware that she was looking at him with gentle concern. "Yeah we got on alright. His name was Ennis Del Mar. He was quiet but a good worker. We both come from ranch families. He's gettin married too some girl he met Fremont County way."

"You be catchin up with him again sometime?"

"I don't know about that. I expect once he gets married he'll have other things on his mind. His wife might not want him goin out drinkin with a single fella."

She had stopped busying herself at the sink, turned round and was looking at him with a kind of knowing inquisitiveness. To change the subject he said, "I want to start rodeoin again. Easier money than herdin sheep all summer. I don't want to let the old man down. I'll help him out over the winter."

He finished the cake and coffee. "I'll go and sort this washin out and bring it down."

He climbed the steep wooden stairs that he had climbed since he was a boy. His room hadn't changed. He took his harmonica out his rucksack and put in on the shelf above the wooden desk he had used to do his homework at when he was at school.

Above his bed was a faded portrait of Montgomery Clift. He had been to watch his movies when he was younger and especially liked the cowboy ones. He had thought that he was handsome but had noticed his friends had Brigitte Bardot and Marilyn Monroe pinned to their walls. He opened his rucksack and got out two crumpled shirts both stained with grass, grime and rusty smears of dried blood. He took the white plaid one and held it to his face. It smelled of cigarette smoke, mountain grass and sweat. He had only left Ennis two hours ago. His last view of him had been from the side mirror off his truck trudging towards the highway to hitch a lift, his face resolute and sullen. He missed him already.

_Fuck Aguirre. Didn't figure the job would wind up a month early. But it didn't matter. Although neither of them had said it outright, it wasn't just fucking one another for lack of womanly company. He had never been as close as this to anyone. There was no way he could go off and get married to Alma, not with the way things were between them. After the sheep herding job finished, he would ask him to come back with him to Lightning Flat. The old man wouldn't care. Didn't care about nothing he did and would welcome an extra pair of hands. Ennis came riding into camp like he usually did, looking solemn; his shoulders hunched from tiredness and saw him pulling down the tent. He told him what Aguirre had said about bringing the sheep down, and Ennis had become angry complaining about the loss of a month's wages. Although he had planned to talk about what they were going to do once they left Brokeback he asked him if wanted a loan which just made him madder, "I don't need your money, huh? You know, I ain't in the poorhouse." This wasn't the way he wanted it to go. Ennis went and sat on his own away from the camp; stony faced his posture suggested that he wanted to be left alone. He got a lariat out of his rucksack. Get him out of this mood that he was in and then talk to him about it. He threw the rope and it looped around him. "Time to get goin, Cowboy." Ennis grudgingly got up and tucked his shirt into his jeans but he was not going to let him walk off like that. In the past he had been able to laugh and joke until Ennis's surliness eased away. He threw the rope again and it caught round the ankle, bringing him down. Ennis tugged at the rope pulling him down on top of him. They rolled over and over in the summer grass; he could feel the hardness of his body flailing underneath him. This would usually end in them pulling off each other's clothes until their wrestling turned into pleasurable pursuits. As their fighting grew rougher he instinctively became more aggressive. Ennis was clenching his shirt and his head thudded against the hard ground. He reacted by accidentally slamming his elbow into Ennis's nose. Ennis got to his feet, and reeled back holding his face. This had gone too far. He wanted to hold him and comfort him, blood was gushing out, and as he held Ennis's face it spread over both of their shirts. He wiped the blood off his nose with his shirt sleeve and was just about to take him in his arms when he felt a bunched-up fist hammer into the side of his jaw. His head jerked back and thrown off-balance, he lay in the grass, dizzy with shock and pain. _

_By the time they came down from the mountain, it was too late. Ennis had already disappeared to a place where he could no longer reach him._

"Jack, are you coming down. I got dinner on the table," he heard his mamma calling him from the kitchen. He realized he had been crying and wiped the tears away hoping that his mamma and the old man didn't notice. He didn't want the shirts touched. There was a small alcove at the back of his wardrobe. He got out a wire coat hanger, draped Ennis's shirt on it and then hung his own over the top. This is the way he wanted them to be. Together. One day Ennis would overcome his damn pigheadedness, his fear, and stop fighting him. He knew that after spending the summer together on Brokeback he could never forget him.


End file.
